New moisture reflects new life as first wail escapes. first wail mimics street talk and tumble of drums from darker jungles and distant country roads. it is these memories that are forbidden from eye raised to doctor. red dust roads forbidden from lips that say”craivent antoine hallier, a fitting name for a man that already screams for the world to be his. this child is telling the future and holding it in his tiny hand”. his mother would not always talk this way. this tone was always held and only made available to those she might seek to impress. this tone was thrown on like a fresh coat of paint on a used bicycle. fresh paint and worn tires. eyes, not yet open, would respond to this tone and quicken search for meal. true, it is with eyes not yet open that he would be comfortable in her arms. with sight this would cease, with sight he would learn the truth behind religious musings, the truth inside a woman's love for love’s sake. he would learn the first coat of paint, like her first, love would remain forever . the tone over years would turn and fade revealing an undercoat of rawer emotion. her tone over years would fade like dark blue chipped to reveal red. it is with sight that he would find that sparing the rod would spoil the child.
a hardened yet sensitive child he was prone to fascinations, prone to need unlike other little boys. there were few boys his age of 5 years so very attracted to women so moved by them. he would sleep and dream of them, women maddened and chasing him baring teeth and breast. baring teeth that would pierce skin, breast that would tempt him and then vanish into new morn made new by sun and abusive motherly tone. he would dream of these women making chase in cars, cars that would circle him and coax him into them only to leave him there broken and alone. he would dream of these maddened women giving chase on motor bike and on foot chasing him into gorges and onto bridges that were unfinished with gaping holes to swallow him. it was here that when he was cornered he would turn to these vampires, these bloodletters and say with complete authority,”mommy i love you”, and they would soften and caress him offering warmth and rest. they would turn to him with the beauty of superstar women that would grace his television screen, with their flowing hair and wide set eyes. he would find love and heaven inside these dreams of lions and their prey. it was the biggest and the strongest of these with their evil mouths that he would trick into love and comfort. spare the child and name him rod. craivent was learning the ways of conversation with a group of new world miracles. it was during this year that he would share a poptart with a girl in school. it was also this year that they would show the red balloon and during this film he would hold her hand, he would hold it until the moisture from her hand would cause him to run away. run until he was safer behind the legs of the teacher or the scrutinizing eyes of his mother. he overheard what a heart breaker he was. it was that thought of breaking her heart that caused him to vomit during the red balloon. it was that vomiting that made him vow to never forget, he was born to do harm, to manipulate, to hold hands and hearts in his fist.
it would take him into his thirties before he could grow a beard but otherwise young mr hallier had testosterone in spades. by the time he was in fourth grade he was already written up for stealing homework and putting his name on the tops of finished pieces. he was sitting in that swivel chair stomach in knots because he had done so many times what he was born to do. in fact his pan like approach had him sitting there watching all the little girls with names like joy and ruanda parade past him to speak about the unspeakable ideas he was tossing into their otherwise innocent minds. he loved them. he loved them when they would look down the row in chorus at him. the way they would pretend to sing to him. he loved them like his father who art in heaven loved us all. it was through this religion that he learned of the possibility that he was thrown to earth his wings burned from his back. it was these teaching that would force his hand up skirts and across backsides. it was his angelic being that caused the respect to fall from his heart. he too began to doubt his father, and his mother. testosterone and knowledge, he knew that these angels were thrown to earth and forsaken for being jealous of the omnipotence of their father and his chosen favorite. craivent was born in the hills of pennsylvania in 1972, he too would stand on high and challenge this omnipotence and this rod sharing as it was dealt out by his mother and her chosen favorite